The difficult life of Vietnamese women
My long stay with a Vietnamese family allowed me to discover a whole part of the culture of the country, but also to realize how difficult life is for the more beautiful half of the human race.
On the road, the most physical construction work is often done by women. These carry the stone by hand in wicker baskets to spread it on the road. Women are also everywhere in restaurants, hotels, shops, for endless hours, and without days off.
The men are also often in restaurants, but usually sitting among themselves drinking the local beer and pointing or shouting at their wives or sisters the presence of a new customer.
The double standard
I was also sad to see that women are still far from being treated on an equal footing with men in Vietnam. They can have a mistress, or frequent prostitutes with the knowledge of all, they will not be less respected. But the woman should always be careful not to pay too much attention to a man.
This is especially true for young girls. If they decide not to marry their first boyfriend, they are then categorized by everyone, both men and women, as “used”. If a young woman is not married in her early twenties, then one will wonder what the problem is with her. This wedding deadline also exists for men, although it is much more extensible.
I have experienced this situation myself a few times.
- Are you married ?
- No.
- I do not understand why, yet there does not seem to be a problem with you?!?
The sad conclusion of this way of thinking, combined with the paramount importance of the institution of marriage in the country, is that many girls decide to marry very young so as not to lose the opportunity to have a husband and a family. . You will understand that marriages are too often unhappy. Imagine if we were all more or less forced to spend our lives with our first high school flirt ...
Weddings often become facades, and its disappointed ambitions have passed to (many) children, who strangely very often follow the same path to respect tradition.
Physical abuse
As if this were not enough, physical violence against women can also be seen occasionally directly on the street. Allison and Gabrielle are two young Canadian women who were staying at the same hotel as me. One evening, Gabrielle witnesses a husband abusing his wife, in the midst of a crowd that could not have been more impassive in the face of the situation. Gabrielle asks them to call the police, nothing helps.
This gratuitous violence disturbs us. We start talking about it with several Vietnamese. Some of them try to reassure us about the frequency ...
- Not everyone is like that, Jonathan! Maybe just 30-50% of couples!
- ...
It is impossible for a foreigner and tourist as I am to arrive in a country and try to change the situation. But I ask questions to better understand. This provokes reflection in Nhan, a young mother who sums up what should change to improve this violence.
- Women are not independent from their husbands, both financially and socially. They are afraid to talk and to be alone.
- They also often have less education.
- Above all, they are taught from childhood to be the "perfect woman", always having to think of the family first. Speaking against her husband would bring shame on both families.
- Finally, the ignorance and indifference of society. “If they're not directly involved,” Nhan believes, “people won't talk because it's none of their business. What a couple or a family does is up to them. "
Easy money
I also have the opportunity to become an English teacher for some private lessons with different students. During an exercise with Vinh, the owner of the hotel, on expressions containing the word money, we came across the expression "easy money", or easy money. I try to explain to Vinh what that means.
Imagine that you have a job which is not very complicated but which pays well, you could say that it is easy money.
She looks at me with round eyes.
I don't understand, it's so hard to make money, how can that be an expression?
The worst part is that she is right. In addition to having the hotel, this woman of barely twenty-seven has a business helping students wanting to study abroad, and had a clothing store. She works non-stop, even spending her few minutes off actively improving her English to better serve her clients.
The salary of another Vietnamese woman comes to mind with whom I had beautiful conversations.
My full-time job as a receptionist in a tourist hotel earns me the equivalent of $ 240 (Canadian) per month.
Easy money is not a Vietnamese concept.
Family mutual aid
Fortunately, everything is not that sad. I also have the chance to learn a lot more about the great mutual aid of the Vietnamese among themselves. And here, the family is seen in a very broad sense.
When young people have the opportunity to continue their education abroad, most often in the United States or Australia, they manage to survive the higher cost of living by living with distant families. If they manage to stay in the host country, they in turn will welcome little cousins, great-nephews and other relatives for the rest of their lives. And they will not stop sending money to help the rest of the family, or to promote the coming of the next to an easier life.
These dependencies are even more marked within the family nucleus. Thus, in the family of Trach, owner of the hotel where I settle, the elder brother left school to pay for the studies of the second. He then paid for the third after starting work. And so on until Trach, the youngest of the six siblings. By opening the hotel, he then hired several of his brothers and sisters-in-law. And some of the family members are now giving money to the older brother's son, to compensate for his sacrifice of having started this virtuous circle of studies.
Are you still following? To sum up: you can always count on a member of your family in Vietnam.
My mutual aid
I told you that I was greeted at Times Hotel in Hue as full member of the Hoang family. I ate my meals for free with them and that's how I was able to learn so much about their traditions and their stories. In return, I tried to show them my way of seeing things. For a long time, they refused to let me help them with the dishes or the cleaning.
- Why? I ask them. Because I am a customer?
- No, because you are a man, it is not your role.
Role or not, my insistence has paid off.
With Gabrielle and Allison, and the English students and teachers.
But I also had the chance to be an English examiner for students wishing to study abroad.
I felt there an openness to change in this group. These young women are more aware of their worth and their potential. But they are also the most educated and open to foreign countries of their generation. For the vast majority of the population, the road to equality still seems long.
Vinh, center, with members of his in-laws.
learn more
I had the chance to discuss this situation face to face with host Alain Gravel during his morning show on Radio-Canada Première. You can listen to the interview here.
